the tale of the ring

pre-party: Rushing out of the house late as usual. Slide a ring onto the wrong finger & think, "Oh crap! That's going to be hard to get off."

at party:

Planning to take ring off as soon as guests leave no matter what.

after party:

Dip hand in ice water, use soap & lotion all to no avail. Husband & wise friend say, "Just go to bed, it'll slip off in the morning."

morning after:

Yes, that is a saw in my lovely husband's hand. No, it didn't work.

Lovely husband & wise friend go out to buy this tool:

Notice the look of intense concentration (which I intensely appreciated).

At last! FREEDOM!

The aftermath.

To the chagrin of lovely husband & wise friend I placed the remaining 2 bands right back on the same finger. What? It fit perfectly after the operation.

To the joy of lovely husband & wise friend it turned my finger green & I threw the damn thing away.

The End.

back when i was single

i used to do crazy things to attract boys that i liked. It was ridiculous. Not really the things I did, mostly the things I thought about doing & the sheer amount of time I spent thinking about doing said crazy things.

For example, I'm pretty sure that if Facebook had been around back when I was single I would have obsessively checked my guy's profile ALL THE TIME. Admittedly, that might be a little crazy but I'm sure a lot of girls do that. But I'm pretty sure I would have taken the crazy up a notch by posting a status update immediately after him every time so he would see our names together & think, "We should BE together!"

Now that I am married I...
a. realize that no boy in the history of the world would ever think that due to close proximity of postings, or for that matter, notice said proximity.
b. I really appreciate the lower level of crazy that came from Rebs taking me in.

Does that make me sound like a stray? I'm cool with that, in reality, I probably need about as much care as a baby bird with a broken wing sometimes.

WARNING: I know I've been away a while, working on the Farmyland blog which I feel has to be more mature. spiritual, serious since teens from the ministry, their parents, & potential donors will be looking at it. So here is where you'll get the random minutiae. Enjoy.

lovefool

• Even though you have the memory of a rather older man.
  
• Even though you daily leave your accoutrements scattered across our bathroom counter.
  
• Even though you are a crabby stress monkey when facing a big retreat.
  
• Even though you don't let me put my icy feet under you in bed.
  
• Even though you don't consider chips & salsa a complete meal.
  
• Even though you don't let me win at dominoes.
  
• Even though you make fun of my midwestern accent.
  
• Even though your favorite movies list includes Armageddon.
  
• Even though you make me stick to my Lenten resolution even when I don't want to.
  
• Even though your laundry is gigantic which makes doing it a much more difficult chore.
  
• Even though you do not think heaven is a sunny day spent lying on a beach.
  
• Even though sometimes you ask me to stop singing.
  
• Even though you listen to sports talk radio.
• Even though you won't wear the awesome Nigerian soccer jacket I picked out just for you. (Yes, I know you're white.)
  
• Even though you haven't read all the books I'd like to you to.
  
• Even though you don't share my open minded view on $2 wine.
  
• Even though you make me do things I'm scared of.
  
• Even though you go to work everyday instead of just hanging out with me like I ask.
  
• Even though you have prettier hair than I do.
  
• Even though you make really, really lame puns.
  
• Even though you haven't given me a copy of the new Brett Dennen album yet.
  
• Even though you have really bad taste in greeting cards.
  
• Even though you are not as easily amused by the following: small children, animals, parades, romantic comedies, & fireworks.
  
• Even though you spent 7 hours yesterday conquering the Rubik's cube.
  

I love you.

Actually, it's because of all those things. 

a man was sleeping on the street

this morning. To be honest, there were probably a lot of men, women, & children sleeping on the street this morning. But I was up before the sun, driving to meet with some friends for prayer & I saw this man.

I kept driving. I told myself I saw wrong, it wasn't a man curled near the mailbox post, it was bags, trash waiting to be picked up.

But I wasn't fooled.

I turned around. It was a man.

I stopped. I took the blanket out of my trunk.  I snuck up on him & laid it on him, praying he wouldn't wake up.

Because I was scared. And I didn't really want to do it. 

What if he woke up?  What if he asked for more?  What if he wanted more? A ride? Some cash? A place to stay? Things I didn't feel I could give.

What if he was angry at me? For butting in? For not butting in enough?

I didn't want to do it. But I had to. Because I have lots of blankets, a warm car, a soft bed, a comfortable home.  

Because if I hadn't it makes everything I preach nonsense.

But just doing that one thing isn't enough & I could still be a hypocrite.

I know I am called to more but often I am stopped by my unwillingness to see, by my fear, by worry I will be called to sacrifice more than I want to.

Lord, help me. 

But mostly, help me help him & all the others sleeping on the street.

one time, i thought about being a nun...

but it was Lent & it turned out I just really needed some chocolate.

an interview with myself

Why not? It's my blog. And I am drinking wine...

1. Do you think blogging is an egotistical hobby?
Yes, I think it is a bit vain in nature but also quite harmless. I don't think I'm in any real danger since I have less readers than I do fingers  on one hand. But a free activity that encourages people to write & be a bit more self-reflective can only help communication in the wider world, right? 

2. If you could go back in time and meet yourself 10 years ago, would you tell your former self anything about the future?

I would try very hard not to tell myself anything specific, but I am notoriously bad at keeping surprises surprises.  I would tell myself, "Oh Baby, it going to be so much bigger & better than you can imagine. Don't be so hard on yourself, just do your best & be kind to everyone else who is trying to do the same."  

This is probably really good advice for right now, as well.

3. OK,  confess. Do you have a secret ambition? Something which you may never actually achieve, but you're still holding on to in a corner of your brain?

My secret ambition is to do stand up comedy. Why? Because I like to tell stories, & make people laugh, & love to be the center of attention. Stand up comedy is clearly perfect for me, if I was brave enough. I'm scared of the sound of crickets. And, Rebs, when I told him that I wanted to do this said, "But... you're not funny."  Not so supportive! He later modified that to say, I'm funny but not stand-up funny. Whatever, I've already decided that if I am discovered I won't share any of my comedy millions with him.

  Someday, I will try it out at an open mic night. You know, under a pseudonym, in Iowa, when I'm 83 & have nothing left to lose.

What do I have to lose now???

maybe

Q: Why do I get sick every 3 weeks or so?

A: Perhaps because this is my main food sources (note: untouched banana) & I work a lot....

I need a nap.  I cannot get sicker, only better because there is a retreat this weekend.  Must find some vitamin C... No, really must nap.

from my shiny, new facebook- about me:

1. I am a neat freak, not a clean freak. I don't really consider germs a problem since I can't see them.

2. I consider it an act of aggression when people show up early to an activity I'm involved in. Clearly, I won't be ready.

3. I like presents! Picture Rebs saying, "She really likes presents." with an eye roll.

4. "I'm always the hostess! When I was a little girl the kids brought their dollys to my tea parties! I served the best air!"  (If you know what this is from we should be best friends.)

5. I would rather be caught without pants than without mascara.

6. I use pet names for everyone, including myself - when I talk to myself, in my head they're said with a Southern accent. Right, Babycakes?

7. I read a lot. For fun. On purpose. A lot. Like several books a week. If you do not like to read don't tell me- I will equate it to you telling me you ran over your grandmother with a car.

8. I believe in fairytales. And miracles.

9. Want more deep thoughts & minutiae? I blog.  Yeah, I'm vain like that.

10. I like making lists & cookies & out (with my husband).

gratitude month

I always mean to celebrate Gratitude Month in November & write a card of thanks to someone special everyday. How many did I write last year: 2 This year: 0 

And that is just wrong when you think about how many wedding thank you's have yet to be sent. 

SIGH. There's always next year.

Yes, when I feel insecure about not having anything exciting to write I do attach unrelated & flattering photos of myself. Thanks for asking.

Look at that hair! Why, oh why did I cut it???

forgive me, i'm new

Today for the second time I dog-sat for our neighbors JJ. They have an elderly toothless chihuahua. This is not a picture of him but it is basically what he looks like.  He's rather high maintenance in my opinion but since I've never owned a dog - how can I rightly judge that? Overall, I think he's a pretty cute in a helpless, affection whore, growl your face off with absolutely nothing to back it up, your daddies spoil you, stop licking me sort of way.

Rebs & I took him for a walk & he kept complaining that there was slack in the leash. I was about to ask, "Why does that matter???" when Nemo's legs got all caught up in to leash. 

Oh. 

I really hate when other people tell me what to do & when they are right.

When we get a dog it will be much bigger so when I walk it at night I will feel a bit protected. Now so much with the chihuahua.