religulous

last week my love & I were on vacation in a tiny town that dates back to the Gold Rush. We spent a lot of time at the beach & had a great time conquering the water tramp & blob-ish thing.

We also watched the documentary Religulous. Now, you know I love me a good documentary. I don't even really care what the subject is, I just want to learn more. And more. And more. If you feel the same way to can I NOT recommend Religulous? It is basically Bill Maher talking to people of different faiths trying to figure out why they believe what they believe. Or, at least that's what I thought it was supposed to be except it wasn't. He didn't let people talk! Instead he'd make an exaggerated generalization of their beliefs & before they could finish explaining why they believe that he'd step in with another sarcastic comment. I wish he would have been more open to dialogue but I think he was too invested in pointing out the absurdities & dichotomies in religion. So disappointing. Especially the segment with the Catholic priest. The Catholic priest was trying to explain that yes, there is a problem with a religion that preaches to feed the poor & yet builds buildings out of gold.

Because we Catholics (OK maybe not all of us) know that our faith is absurd & sometimes we say things & do the opposite. But we don't think we're perfect. We're human. We're muddlin' through. We don't get it all right but we're trying.

Bill Maher kept asking everyone, "What if you're wrong? What if it's not true?" Usually he didn't give people a chance to respond but when they did they'd say stuff like, "Better be safe than sorry."

To the "What if you're wrong?" question I say,

Who cares?

I am probably wrong. Who am I to have the market on truth? What are the chance that any one faith, church, person has it completely right?

But even if I am wrong my faith gives my life a hope & a purpose. And sometimes, a semblance of peace. And I am often moved to tears by the beauty of this broken world because of my faith

Who cares if I am wrong?

Without my faith I would have no motivation. If I didn't believe it's important to help people I wouldn't know what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

Because at the end of the day, I just want my life to have mattered.

first fridays

are the day that some friends & I have chosen to meet at a coffee shop for some spiritual food.  We take turns planning a topic or faith practice to share & to pray.  It is great. Even though it happens a 6:00am which is not a time great things usually happen for me.

Today we prayed with color.  I love it. I am committing myself to doing this for a week. I don't want to write about it because it's not so much a word thing. So here is mine from this morning where we all shared an intention:

For more words on this I encourage you to check out this website:

www.prayingincolor.com

a man was sleeping on the street

this morning. To be honest, there were probably a lot of men, women, & children sleeping on the street this morning. But I was up before the sun, driving to meet with some friends for prayer & I saw this man.

I kept driving. I told myself I saw wrong, it wasn't a man curled near the mailbox post, it was bags, trash waiting to be picked up.

But I wasn't fooled.

I turned around. It was a man.

I stopped. I took the blanket out of my trunk.  I snuck up on him & laid it on him, praying he wouldn't wake up.

Because I was scared. And I didn't really want to do it. 

What if he woke up?  What if he asked for more?  What if he wanted more? A ride? Some cash? A place to stay? Things I didn't feel I could give.

What if he was angry at me? For butting in? For not butting in enough?

I didn't want to do it. But I had to. Because I have lots of blankets, a warm car, a soft bed, a comfortable home.  

Because if I hadn't it makes everything I preach nonsense.

But just doing that one thing isn't enough & I could still be a hypocrite.

I know I am called to more but often I am stopped by my unwillingness to see, by my fear, by worry I will be called to sacrifice more than I want to.

Lord, help me. 

But mostly, help me help him & all the others sleeping on the street.

here's what it's actually about

“Lent? Who has the time????”

It’s fair to say that we are a busy people. I recently came across a quote that sums this up pretty well saying, “If the devil doesn’t cause you to sin, he’ll just keep you really busy.” And right away I was inspired & I thought, “Well, dang doesn’t that just describe my struggle with Lent? I mean, seriously, who has the time nowadays to fit in more prayer, more faith practices?”

Lent is the season that we set apart for prayer, sacrifice, & fasting. Did you know that one definition of the word “holy” is set apart? Lent is a holy time, set apart. But if you’re anything like me & the people I’ve talked to the setting apart doesn’t come easy. Even in this holy season there’s work to be done, tests to take, laundry to do, kids to be deposited at various activities. How do we slow down in all of this & truly set apart time for prayer & deep breaths & life-giving conversation? Which, after all is what Jesus spent his time doing.

I would have made a horrible Jesus. If I knew that I had just 3 years to spread God’s message of love to the world in such a way that it would last for all time I would have been going crazy. Something like this, “Alright disciples let run down this week’s schedule once more: Peter, you & James go & explain to the Pharisees one more time why its Ok to cast out demons on the Sabbath, try to use some sort of metaphor, that usually keeps them busy for a few days. John, Andrew, & the other James there are a bunch of lepers in Galilee who could use some healing, take care of that will ya? Mary, can you confirm our dinner plans at the tax collector’s house on Wednesday? Good. Let’s see what else? John the Baptist is still in prison, Lazarus just croaked, we’ve to clean out the Temple, my mother wants some help catering a friends wedding, we’re hosting a mountaintop picnic for 5,000 on Saturday. Judas seems to have wandered off some where again. Mark, can you go find him? Tomas, stop doubting! As I have explained before, “If God is for us who can be against us?” Clearly a ministry like that would have burned out in a few short months.

Instead, Jesus modeled the gift of spending quality time with those he loved. This includes time set apart to be with his Father in prayer. Immediately after being baptized Jesus spends forty days in the desert before beginning his baptism. He sets this time apart before setting out to proclaim the Gospel message. This is what Lent is meant to be for us as well, a time set apart in preparation to renew our Baptismal call, that we may live out the Gospel message more fully.

Did you ever notice how often when Jesus prays he does it on a mountain or some remote location? Think about it, climbing a mountain or going on a pilgrimage is a sacrifice. Mountaintops are so darn high & difficult to get to. It’s a serious commitment to setting time apart. In next Sunday’s Gospel Jesus & his disciples are on a mountaintop. They get away from the craziness of their life to follow God’s will. As difficult as these journeys are it is on the mountaintop that miraculous things happen. That is where God’s will & glory is revealed.

I’m not suggesting that we all need to spend this Lent wandering a desert or climbing mountains looking for glowing apparitions of prophets. But I do know that I want my life to be seeped in God’s will & glory. What I am suggesting is that prayer can be one way to achieve this. Sometimes for us with our crazy schedules, spending time in prayer with God is like climbing a mountain. First, you have decide to set apart the time when perhaps you can think of 50 things that sound more fun, easier & appealing than climbing a mountain. It takes discipline to climb a mountain, just as it does to set apart time with God. If you’re out of shape the way to the top can be incredibly grueling. If you’re out of practice with prayer this can be a frustrating thing. How do we find our way back to God? But the Scriptures remind us that God never leaves us.

Prayer is not about calling God back to us. God hasn’t moved. Prayer is about turning ourselves back to the Lord. If this is difficult for you, if the second you set yourself down for a quiet moment you either fall asleep or your mind immediately fills up with thoughts of this world, take baby steps. Don’t try to jump right into prayer. Simply seek the silence. Listen to your breath, that breath is our connection to the Holy Spirit who lives & breathes in us. This is your path to the mountaintop of the Lord. And the mountaintop is where God’s glory is revealed.

This Lent let us sacrifice that which, while it does not cause us to sin, keeps us too busy to visit the mountaintop of the Lord. Let us pray to see God’s glory in the quiet moments of our lives.

For up to date thoughts on Lent check out my musings on theIntersection Teen Ministry site.

one time, i thought about being a nun...

but it was Lent & it turned out I just really needed some chocolate.

the talk

This is the talk I gave at the parish retreat a few weeks ago. I'm telling you now it will make a whole lot more sense if you click here & read the passage I was speaking on.

A few years ago a pastor told me when studying parables a good place to start is to try on every role in the story & whichever role is the most uncomfortable- that's the one we're supposed to focus on. Think about it: everyone wants to be the prodigal son who is welcomed back into the loving arms of a forgiving father but sometimes we have to admit we act more like a jealous older brother who doesn't like a sinner getting a second chance.

And so it was with this parable today: I want to be the fig tree who gets a second chance. Or even the gardener who sees something more in the tree than is readily apparent. But the role I am uncomfortable in is the man who wants to give up. There have been times in my life when I have done just that. Where I have decided that a person or situation had treated me to badly, or wronged me in someway. When I have wondered, "What is the use of keeping this person in my life?" But it's been those other times, the times I gave someone another chance or a situation more care, those have been the times that I have been most richly rewarded.

Many of teens have heard the story of how the first time I met Rebs I said to myself, "Oh, this is the guy I am going to marry." And after some initial crossed messages we began dating. What most people don't know is that after 3 years of being together, of being in the longest, most significant relationship life of my life, Rebs broke up with me.  Our relationship had been rocky for a while but for me, I was in it for the long haul & figured we would work through anything. Rebs did not see it that way. The break up was devastating. I cannot describe to you how pain I was in at that point in my life. And my instinct was to completely cut off all contact with him immediately. I think the exact prayer was something like, "God, please erase every singly memory & any tiny reminder of Rebs from my whole life, forever. And please send more chocolate."

I was the man who wanted to uproot a barren tree, Doesn't that seem a bit drastic on the tree owner's part? How hard is it to visit a field & check on a tree once a year? But I think he wants to get rid of the tree because he doesn't want to get his hopes up only to be disappointed again.

I was the same way" I didn't want to be reminded of Rebs because I wanted to stop hurting & I didn't want to get my hopes up & be hurt even more.

But even in the initial, horrible post-break up period both Rebs & I heard a nagging voice: in prayer, in the voices of those around us, in our own hearts that said, "There's something more there. This is not the end of this story." 

Enter the manure.

And the heavy digging.

Because, it turns out that just checking in once in a while is not enough. It turns out that just hoping for a good outcome doesn't ensure one will happen. For Rebs & I the work included a time of solitude spent praying & healing & growing on our own. The work was difficult & unpleasant & sometimes, just plain stinky because we had to dig in & think about how we had gotten to such a dead place in our relationship.

And then we had to do that same work together. We started small & we met once a week for coffee & walks & prayer & conversations about what we had learned about ourselves & each other & love & God's will in our lives.

And it took some time.

And it took some hard work.

But all of that, in the end, allowed the good fruit to grow. And in June Rebs & I were married. And since I'm still a newlywed I'm tempted to end this story with, "And we lived happily ever after!" But I won't. Instead I'll end with this:

I know that our relationship is stronger & the fruit is sweeter because we went through that break up & we listened to that voices saying, "Give it time, give it some work." And we were willing to do so.

Where is God telling you, "There's something more here. This is not the end of the story."? Are you willing to give it some time? Are you willing to pour some prayer on it?  To dig in & face what you don't want to face?  My prayer for all of us tonight is that we continue to have hope, to live out that hope. Because I have seen how, when we're willing to do God's work in our dirty little live, good things can grow. 

i'm nervous

*image from sockmonkey.com

Nervous monkey. I have to give a talk to night at church. I think I built it up too much in my head. This is a short little talk. And I do this all the time and usually I love it. But it's also usually in front of teens or elderly or people who have no knowledge of the subject I'm talking about thus making my every word a slice of pizza to their late-night-college-student jonesin' ears.  But I've even honest-to-goodness preached at masses before & loved it. This will be the same crowd. An open crowd. A good-willing crowd. A well-wishing crowd. An admiring crowd even.

So why am I so stressed? Perhaps because this talk is about my own little personal faith, which is always in flux.   Yea, I'm fluxin'. 

Or it's the loss of my shiny, bouncy power animal.