the talk

This is the talk I gave at the parish retreat a few weeks ago. I'm telling you now it will make a whole lot more sense if you click here & read the passage I was speaking on.

A few years ago a pastor told me when studying parables a good place to start is to try on every role in the story & whichever role is the most uncomfortable- that's the one we're supposed to focus on. Think about it: everyone wants to be the prodigal son who is welcomed back into the loving arms of a forgiving father but sometimes we have to admit we act more like a jealous older brother who doesn't like a sinner getting a second chance.

And so it was with this parable today: I want to be the fig tree who gets a second chance. Or even the gardener who sees something more in the tree than is readily apparent. But the role I am uncomfortable in is the man who wants to give up. There have been times in my life when I have done just that. Where I have decided that a person or situation had treated me to badly, or wronged me in someway. When I have wondered, "What is the use of keeping this person in my life?" But it's been those other times, the times I gave someone another chance or a situation more care, those have been the times that I have been most richly rewarded.

Many of teens have heard the story of how the first time I met Rebs I said to myself, "Oh, this is the guy I am going to marry." And after some initial crossed messages we began dating. What most people don't know is that after 3 years of being together, of being in the longest, most significant relationship life of my life, Rebs broke up with me.  Our relationship had been rocky for a while but for me, I was in it for the long haul & figured we would work through anything. Rebs did not see it that way. The break up was devastating. I cannot describe to you how pain I was in at that point in my life. And my instinct was to completely cut off all contact with him immediately. I think the exact prayer was something like, "God, please erase every singly memory & any tiny reminder of Rebs from my whole life, forever. And please send more chocolate."

I was the man who wanted to uproot a barren tree, Doesn't that seem a bit drastic on the tree owner's part? How hard is it to visit a field & check on a tree once a year? But I think he wants to get rid of the tree because he doesn't want to get his hopes up only to be disappointed again.

I was the same way" I didn't want to be reminded of Rebs because I wanted to stop hurting & I didn't want to get my hopes up & be hurt even more.

But even in the initial, horrible post-break up period both Rebs & I heard a nagging voice: in prayer, in the voices of those around us, in our own hearts that said, "There's something more there. This is not the end of this story." 

Enter the manure.

And the heavy digging.

Because, it turns out that just checking in once in a while is not enough. It turns out that just hoping for a good outcome doesn't ensure one will happen. For Rebs & I the work included a time of solitude spent praying & healing & growing on our own. The work was difficult & unpleasant & sometimes, just plain stinky because we had to dig in & think about how we had gotten to such a dead place in our relationship.

And then we had to do that same work together. We started small & we met once a week for coffee & walks & prayer & conversations about what we had learned about ourselves & each other & love & God's will in our lives.

And it took some time.

And it took some hard work.

But all of that, in the end, allowed the good fruit to grow. And in June Rebs & I were married. And since I'm still a newlywed I'm tempted to end this story with, "And we lived happily ever after!" But I won't. Instead I'll end with this:

I know that our relationship is stronger & the fruit is sweeter because we went through that break up & we listened to that voices saying, "Give it time, give it some work." And we were willing to do so.

Where is God telling you, "There's something more here. This is not the end of the story."? Are you willing to give it some time? Are you willing to pour some prayer on it?  To dig in & face what you don't want to face?  My prayer for all of us tonight is that we continue to have hope, to live out that hope. Because I have seen how, when we're willing to do God's work in our dirty little live, good things can grow.