07 September 2009


tonight my husband took me to see Julie & Julia. This was after baking me chocolate chip cookies, mind you. He's amazing.

The movie has a lot to say about husbands. Both characters have great ones. There were some great moments that made me well up. When they did I would squeeze Rebs hand 3 times which is our code for, I love you. I'd turn to him & he'd look at me with his big brown eyes & smile.

And I'd think, he's just as loving & wonderful as these guys but ... he's also hot.

I am a lucky, lucky girl.

3 weeks

In 3 weeks we will be driving across the country to our new life in West Virginia. It's so hard to prepare for it because I can't really imagine what it's going to be like. Right now all I can really do it appreciate the face off of California. Which I am doing. But this also makes me... not question going but melancholy about going. Now, when we go someplace I think, "This could be the last time we do this." This is so hard for me because I don't like saying good bye.

I was about to write, "I'm not good at good byes." but then I realized I don't even know what being good at them would mean.

I know, I know this is like going away to college. How you can't really ever be fully ready & leaving is hard & once you get there there's so much new to distract you that you're not sad any more. But the point is I'm sad now because I'm in the sad part.

I'm sad to be taking apart our first home that we made beautiful, & made memories in. Where we started our tradition of telling each other one reason we love each other every night. Where there were balloons everywhere, courtesy of our friends the day we got back from our honeymoon. Where we have a photo collage that I can't look at without remembering the big fight we had about what picture to hang where. Where we handed out 3 pieces of candy on Halloween & carved pumpkins the next day. Where we had our first Christmas tree complete with homemade decorations. Where our nephews have slept in improvised beds. Where I learned to bake bread & cakes that Rebs is much better at decorating than I am. Where we've hosted many, many parties. We've only been here a year but it was a momentous one.

I'm sad to be leaving all the amazing places both metropolitan & natural that northern California has to offer. Oh, the beach. What will I do without a beach? What will I do without taquerias?

I'm sad to be giving up a certain measure of autonomy in my life that comes from living with just one beloved other & having so many resources (including money). I know I willingly chose this life of community & simplicity. But still...

I'm also sad or maybe, more accurately, scared to give up all the trendy clothes, accessories, & make up that I use to move about in the world. These things, as much as I hate to admit it, give me a certain confidence that I will miss.

But mostly, I just so sad to be moving away from all the wonderful friends we have here in California. We are so friend-rich here, we are so blessed. I'm just so saddened & frightened by the thought that these relationships will change with our move. It is inevitable. And of course, we are not ending these friendships but the truth is some of them will end. And all of them will change.

All summer we have been working the hang-out-with-us while you-still-can angle. And have had such great fun. I have laughed so much. I have been so encouraged. I have learned & challenged to grow. I have been so filled with gratitude. And it was all so effortless.

I do not take effortlessness for granted. I know it will have to be nurtured with the new people we will meet.

But no matter how sad I am I am still certain that this is the right path for us.
And so, we have begun to pack. And purge. And remember.

And I need your prayers. Because it is sad.

01 September 2009


last week my love & I were on vacation in a tiny town that dates back to the Gold Rush. We spent a lot of time at the beach & had a great time conquering the water tramp & blob-ish thing.
We also watched the documentary Religulous. Now, you know I love me a good documentary. I don't even really care what the subject is, I just want to learn more. And more. And more. If you feel the same way to can I NOT recommend Religulous? It is basically Bill Maher talking to people of different faiths trying to figure out why they believe what they believe. Or, at least that's what I thought it was supposed to be except it wasn't. He didn't let people talk! Instead he'd make an exaggerated generalization of their beliefs & before they could finish explaining why they believe that he'd step in with another sarcastic comment. I wish he would have been more open to dialogue but I think he was too invested in pointing out the absurdities & dichotomies in religion. So disappointing. Especially the segment with the Catholic priest. The Catholic priest was trying to explain that yes, there is a problem with a religion that preaches to feed the poor & yet builds buildings out of gold.

Because we Catholics (OK maybe not all of us) know that our faith is absurd & sometimes we say things & do the opposite. But we don't think we're perfect. We're human. We're muddlin' through. We don't get it all right but we're trying.

Bill Maher kept asking everyone, "What if you're wrong? What if it's not true?" Usually he didn't give people a chance to respond but when they did they'd say stuff like, "Better be safe than sorry."

To the "What if you're wrong?" question I say,
Who cares?
I am probably wrong. Who am I to have the market on truth? What are the chance that any one faith, church, person has it completely right?
But even if I am wrong my faith gives my life a hope & a purpose. And sometimes, a semblance of peace. And I am often moved to tears by the beauty of this broken world because of my faith
Who cares if I am wrong?
Without my faith I would have no motivation. If I didn't believe it's important to help people I wouldn't know what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

Because at the end of the day, I just want my life to have mattered.

27 August 2009

dear mom

Rebs thinks this is the funniest picture ever. I think you know why.

Please don't take away his title as your favorite Son in Law.

the tale of the ring

pre-party: Rushing out of the house late as usual. Slide a ring onto the wrong finger & think, "Oh crap! That's going to be hard to get off."

at party:
Planning to take ring off as soon as guests leave no matter what.

after party:
Dip hand in ice water, use soap & lotion all to no avail. Husband & wise friend say, "Just go to bed, it'll slip off in the morning."

morning after:

Yes, that is a saw in my lovely husband's hand. No, it didn't work.

Lovely husband & wise friend go out to buy this tool:

Notice the look of intense concentration (which I intensely appreciated).

At last! FREEDOM!

The aftermath.

To the chagrin of lovely husband & wise friend I placed the remaining 2 bands right back on the same finger. What? It fit perfectly after the operation.

To the joy of lovely husband & wise friend it turned my finger green & I threw the damn thing away.

The End.

holy crap

I am moving to West Virginia in ONE MONTH!!!

We should really start packing & paring down the possessions.

Or we could just spend every remaining minute with friend & general enjoyment of our Californian life

like we have been

Rebs & I are probably the only 2 unemployed people in the country who are loving life so much right now.

04 August 2009

in my fridge

in my fridge there is an egg that looks like this:


Because that is the way my husband lets me know it's been boiled....

& is now, wait for it....


03 August 2009

dear blog

I miss you. I am coming back soon.

I promise.

02 June 2009

things I would rather

have found in my office last night:

a raccoon
a small child with a dirty diaper
a sizable snake
a frog
an IRS agent
a mouse
a feral cat
a shark
or even the corpse of this thing:

What I did find was the actual living version of it. And I just walked away.
Because I don't handle any spiders well.
Because this one was the size of my hand.
Because I wanted to appear to be a cool collected youth minister in front of the other person in my office who left as soon as she saw the sucker.
Because I'm a chicken.

Walking away did solve the problem for yesterday but definitely didn't help today!

The only way this could be worse is if it was a Zombie Spider, that's a spider who has been killed & then comes back to a live a sad, scurrying, shadow of its past life scaring the bejebus out of me.

AHHHH! Is it on me? I feel it on me!

I also compounded the problem greatly by looking spider images & therefore seeing horrible images of spider bites.


I should have whacked the sucker when I had the chance. Now I have no idea where it is!


I was driving to a meeting on Sunday morning & Vienna Teng's song "City Hall" came on the radio about the day she & her girlfriend drove up from LA to get married in SF. It is beautiful & it made me cry. Listen to it. Pray about it.

I love being married & everything about it! I can't imagine a world in which Andy & I wouldn't be allowed to get married. I want all of my friends to have that choice!

me and my baby on a february holiday 
'cause we got the news 
yeah, we got the news 
500 miles and we're gonna make it all the way 
we've got nothing to lose 
we've got nothing to lose 

it's been 10 years waiting 
but it's better late than the never 
we've been told before 
we can't wait one minute more 

oh, me and my baby driving down 
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall 
oh, me and my baby stand in line 
you've never seen a sight so fine 
as the love that's gonna shine 
at city hall 

me and my baby've been through 
a lot of good and bad 
learned to kiss the sky 
made our momma's cry 
I've seen a lot of friends 
after giving it all they had 
lay down and die 
lay down and die 

10 years into it 
here's our window 
at the vegas drive-thru chapel 
it ain't too much 
for 'em all to handle 

oh, me and my baby driving down 
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall 
oh, me and my baby stand in line 
you've never seen a sight so fine 
as the love that's gonna shine 
at city hall 

outside, they're handing out 
donuts and pizza pies 
for the folks in pairs in the folding chairs 
my baby's lookin' so damned pretty 
with those anxious eyes 
rain-speckled hair 
and my ring to wear 

10 years waiting for this moment of fate 
when we say the words and sign our names 
if they take it away again someday 
this beautiful thing won't change 

oh, me and my baby driving down 
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall 
oh, me and my baby stand in line 
you've never seen a sight so fine 
as the love that's gonna shine 

oh, me and my baby driving down 
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall 
oh, me and my baby stand in line 
you've never seen a sight so fine 
as the love that's gonna shine 
at city hall